swordpentrumpet.com

Just in from lovely San Antonio, Texas, Doug Phillips is eating eggs three times a day. No, wait, that’s removing the egg on his face three times a day. Seems Dangerous Doug tangled with the wrong set of writers on the internet and now the yolks on him!

Hey, Doug, you musta’ missed what happened to a famous CBS reporter in the 2004 election. What was his name?

Yeah, we understand you had better things to do during the campaign – like beat up on a woman. Guess who’s taking the beating now? Maybe this karma thing isn’t so far fetched.

For those of you who don’t know the story, seems one of Doug’s Dastardly Deed Doers spent real money on a domain name, photo shop and other tools of the “assassin” to, get this, smear a woman! Wooooooo, I’m impressed with the manliness exhibited here. (Note to Doug: Consider posting more fencing pix on your blog.)

You can read all about the unmasking (ha, ha) of Doug’s D3 named Matthew Chancey at Ministry Watchman. Since we’re into equal time, you can read the comments on Chuck’s post to figure out the name of the site Chancey or Phillips wasted money buying.

Check out the article here: Who’s Behind the Binoculars?

Meantime I’ll leave the Phillips Christmas article up until Tuesday, while I watch this develop.

Merry Christmas Doug!

From The Moderator and the Reindeer

P.S. Matt, thanks for sending folks to my site. I’d forgotten all about Doug Phillips ‘till you sent your readers my way. Sweet!

Here is the allegedly infamous post I am told is the basis for Doug Phillips claiming he was linked to Nazism. My goodness, how thin skinned can a public figure be? Does anyone hear George Bush whining about the blatant accusations that he IS a Nazi? This piece was intended to be tongue-in-cheek. For those who don’t understand the satire, I will explain: The theme is IDOLATRY. Did you get that? Considering a Phillips’ supporter called upon a professing Christian to commit suicide as an act of repentance, I guess this piece was somewhat prescient!

FLASH! We now turn our attention to the main floor of Future Vista’s production area, where the “troops” are assembled, patiently waiting for the appearance of Der Leader. Suddenly, the door to the inner sanctum of Future Vista swings open, and Der Leader, followed by his closest “lieutenant,” Dieter Hans, strides to the lit podium. The “troops” lovingly gaze upon Der Leader, as the light from the naked neons bounce off the dark glasses and glistening boots. What an image! Topped off, no less, by the SS-style lightening bolts superimposed on the 10 Commandment tablets worn on Der Leader’s uniformed collars. Yes, black jodhpurs and a three-quarter length uniform jacket certainly make the man.

As Der Leader assumes his position at the podium, Roberto, the trusted Commander of Troops…Wait a minute, Roberto is not the trusted commander, Roberto is Der Leader’s driver. Sorry. Let’s try this again.

As Der Leader assumes his position at the podium, Herr Kugel, the trusted Commander of Troops (and third only to Der Leader himself) snaps rigidly into position and cries, “Achtung!” The “troops” immediately go rigid – heads positioned straight forward – only the occasional eye movement can be detected in Der Leader’s underlings.

With just the hint of a furtive smirk and a raised eyebrow, Der Leader begins to speak. “Meinen Damen und Herren, ve vill vin dis var against ze infidels! Zees godless infidels vill be oferkum by ze masses ov kindern zat each ov u vil haf! A neue tag ist komming. E in tag vhere diene ovsprink – Die Sonnenkinder – vill be lawyers und foters. Ja, das ist richtig! Und ven dat tag ist kommen, den ve vill reise oop und stablish ein neue order. Ein neue order ov ze Bible! Die Sonnenkinder vill be ze shocken troopen of diese neue tag und u vill bee ze masters ov dees infidels!!!!!”

At the peak of his speech, the “troops” react wildly, despite their rigid positions. Without warning, Herr Kugel rockets his right arm straight out and screams, “Sieg!”, to which all the “troops” respond, “Heil!” “Sieg!” “Heil!” “Sieg!” “Heil!” On and on the chanting responses play off one another, as Der Leader nods his satisfaction.

Leaving the podium, Der Leader returns to the inner sanctum, with Dieter Hans walking quickly, but dutifully, behind his leader.

Returning home that evening, Roberto parks the car (Note: In any ethnically challenged organization, Hispanics will only be drivers not leaders. Sorry about the earlier goof.), as Der Leader strides through the door, flushed with a sense of impending victory. Laying his swagger stick on the table, Der Leader melodically, but lovingly, calls out, “Meine Liebchen, wo sind seinen Sonnen?” As his two eldest sons enter the room to remove his boots, Der Leader reclines on the sofa, awaiting the customary glass of liquor on the rocks – or is that four-fingers “neat”? Oh, well, this detail doesn’t matter, on with the story. Along with the drink, there is a letter on the silver tray, which his Frau has brought to him. Gazing upon the return address, Der Leader stands bolt upright, knocking his drink to the floor. Ja, it is a letter form the godless ACLU! With one boot on and one boot off, Der Leader leaves his family and sequesters himself in his home office. Calling Dieter Hans on his mobile phone, Der Leader insists Dieter come to his house to discuss this new evil that may thwart his carefully laid plans. After all, this is America (spelled with a “c” and not a “k”), and Christian Reconstruction just ain’t making it with the majority of ze godless infidels!

While waiting for Herr Hans, Der Leader pensively ruminates upon re-inventing himself. Ja – no, “yes,” this is the answer. He can leave the Reconstuctionists behind, turning west towards the English Channel and Replacement Theology. Emerging from his office, he greets all of his children, turns to his lovely wife, and says, “shaken not stirred.”