Here is the allegedly infamous post I am told is the basis for Doug Phillips claiming he was linked to Nazism. My goodness, how thin skinned can a public figure be? Does anyone hear George Bush whining about the blatant accusations that he IS a Nazi? This piece was intended to be tongue-in-cheek. For those who donâ€™t understand the satire, I will explain: The theme is IDOLATRY. Did you get that? Considering a Phillipsâ€™ supporter called upon a professing Christian to commit suicide as an act of repentance, I guess this piece was somewhat prescient!
FLASH! We now turn our attention to the main floor of Future Vistaâ€™s production area, where the â€œtroopsâ€ are assembled, patiently waiting for the appearance of Der Leader. Suddenly, the door to the inner sanctum of Future Vista swings open, and Der Leader, followed by his closest â€œlieutenant,â€ Dieter Hans, strides to the lit podium. The â€œtroopsâ€ lovingly gaze upon Der Leader, as the light from the naked neons bounce off the dark glasses and glistening boots. What an image! Topped off, no less, by the SS-style lightening bolts superimposed on the 10 Commandment tablets worn on Der Leaderâ€™s uniformed collars. Yes, black jodhpurs and a three-quarter length uniform jacket certainly make the man.
As Der Leader assumes his position at the podium, Roberto, the trusted Commander of Troopsâ€¦Wait a minute, Roberto is not the trusted commander, Roberto is Der Leaderâ€™s driver. Sorry. Letâ€™s try this again.
As Der Leader assumes his position at the podium, Herr Kugel, the trusted Commander of Troops (and third only to Der Leader himself) snaps rigidly into position and cries, â€œAchtung!â€ The â€œtroopsâ€ immediately go rigid â€“ heads positioned straight forward â€“ only the occasional eye movement can be detected in Der Leaderâ€™s underlings.
With just the hint of a furtive smirk and a raised eyebrow, Der Leader begins to speak. â€œMeinen Damen und Herren, ve vill vin dis var against ze infidels! Zees godless infidels vill be oferkum by ze masses ov kindern zat each ov u vil haf! A neue tag ist komming. E in tag vhere diene ovsprink â€“ Die Sonnenkinder â€“ vill be lawyers und foters. Ja, das ist richtig! Und ven dat tag ist kommen, den ve vill reise oop und stablish ein neue order. Ein neue order ov ze Bible! Die Sonnenkinder vill be ze shocken troopen of diese neue tag und u vill bee ze masters ov dees infidels!!!!!â€
At the peak of his speech, the â€œtroopsâ€ react wildly, despite their rigid positions. Without warning, Herr Kugel rockets his right arm straight out and screams, â€œSieg!â€, to which all the â€œtroopsâ€ respond, â€œHeil!â€ â€œSieg!â€ â€œHeil!â€ â€œSieg!â€ â€œHeil!â€ On and on the chanting responses play off one another, as Der Leader nods his satisfaction.
Leaving the podium, Der Leader returns to the inner sanctum, with Dieter Hans walking quickly, but dutifully, behind his leader.
Returning home that evening, Roberto parks the car (Note: In any ethnically challenged organization, Hispanics will only be drivers not leaders. Sorry about the earlier goof.), as Der Leader strides through the door, flushed with a sense of impending victory. Laying his swagger stick on the table, Der Leader melodically, but lovingly, calls out, â€œMeine Liebchen, wo sind seinen Sonnen?â€ As his two eldest sons enter the room to remove his boots, Der Leader reclines on the sofa, awaiting the customary glass of liquor on the rocks â€“ or is that four-fingers â€œneatâ€? Oh, well, this detail doesnâ€™t matter, on with the story. Along with the drink, there is a letter on the silver tray, which his Frau has brought to him. Gazing upon the return address, Der Leader stands bolt upright, knocking his drink to the floor. Ja, it is a letter form the godless ACLU! With one boot on and one boot off, Der Leader leaves his family and sequesters himself in his home office. Calling Dieter Hans on his mobile phone, Der Leader insists Dieter come to his house to discuss this new evil that may thwart his carefully laid plans. After all, this is America (spelled with a â€œcâ€ and not a â€œkâ€), and Christian Reconstruction just ainâ€™t making it with the majority of ze godless infidels!
While waiting for Herr Hans, Der Leader pensively ruminates upon re-inventing himself. Ja â€“ no, â€œyes,â€ this is the answer. He can leave the Reconstuctionists behind, turning west towards the English Channel and Replacement Theology. Emerging from his office, he greets all of his children, turns to his lovely wife, and says, â€œshaken not stirred.â€